Representative John Joyce Pledges to “Restore Family Values” with New Teen Pregnancy Campaign

BLAIR COUNTY, Pa. – Representative John Joyce unveiled his brand new initiative to revitalize currently decreasing birth rates in the United States.

A recent report published by the National Center for Health Statistics states that the birth rate for women aged 15-19 years old has fallen a whole 7% in the past year, a record-breaking decline. Following the publication of this report, representative for Pennsylvania’s 13th congressional district John Joyce released a statement speaking out on the matter:

“Is this really what our country has come to? This new liberal statistic is truly an affront to our American values and an insult to patriotism. That is why I would like to formally announce my new campaign, CONSERVATIVES LOVE KIDS, a new initiative to help bring the number of babies born back up. I promise that this flailing age demographic will learn to love family values again.”

In his subsequent press release, Joyce’s team elaborated on the campaign’s overall mission, stating that it was meant to “entice teenage girls” and “make motherhood cool again.” While there are no formal events or bills listed in the article, the team insists that there are concepts of plans being drafted. 

While constituents wait for any formal updates, they are welcome to browse a wide variety of merchandise available to patriots eager to support the cause (Seen below). Supporters are also encouraged to donate to the campaign website in order to fund its future missions.